yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
