Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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