It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
