i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
