I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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