I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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