Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Less talking, more tequila
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
