OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
