she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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