just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
