my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
