adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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