New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize