I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
His hands were made for my vagina.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
