My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
