:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
