i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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