Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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