sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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