I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize