I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
