He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
