the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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