Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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