I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
