worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
