Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
