Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
