Will you blow on my dice?
i dont even know how to be here
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
