We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
