I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
