ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
