I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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