He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
