Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
