I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
