It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
