The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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