I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
