My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
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