You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize