I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
he was CRYING into my vagina
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
NoShamevember. You game?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
