he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
