She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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