Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
