When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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