I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
