you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
