so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
try to milk me bitch
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