Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
