i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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