what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
