I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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