Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
