I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
