Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I hope mine doesn't look like that
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
