We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
