yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
