When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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