I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
