I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
