i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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