wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
