I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I party with great urgency now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
