i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
birth control should be required to get into college
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
