You just made me feel so damn special
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
