and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just had sex on a roof
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
