i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
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