The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
