I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
