I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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