does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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