My room smells like vodka and shame
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
