dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
