the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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