the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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