Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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